My Happy Place

A couple years ago I took a psychology class from one of the most amazing professors UVU has to offer. She liked to be called Jan. Among her many talents were hypnotherapy and relaxation techniques. At the time, my life was hard and I was lost. One day, she let us experience this relaxation therapy in class. She turned down the lights, told us to get comfortable and rest our heads down on the desk. She talked to us, told us to think of our happy place and go there in our minds. She said we could create any kind of place we wanted. I thought mine would be somewhere in Hawaii by a waterfall. Somewhere beautiful, peaceful, warm, where I didn't have to worry about anything, and nothing could hurt me. I tried going there, but I couldn't stay. I kept being pulled back into reality by my troubles. Some other students in the class fell asleep, and she just let us be...but my mind was going a hundred miles an hour. Ever since that day, when I would find myself feeling anxious, panicked, scared, etc…I would try to find my happy place. But I didn't have one. I had no one where to go, nowhere that brought me peace, nowhere that I felt safe.

When Chad and I first started dating, we would go for Sunday drives up the canyon in his big truck. I can still remember it like it was yesterday...he would pull up to my house and as soon as I saw him get out of the truck, my heart literally skipped a beat. I remember how he looked, the way he moved, the way he smelled...and I couldn't help but smile once I saw him. Nothing has ever made me so happy. I'd climb in on his side and see two diet Dr. Pepper's in the cup holders, Lady A would be playing, he'd jump in, and off we would go. My favorite thing was riding next to him, and from time to time, I would lay my head on his shoulder...I just needed to be as close to him as possible.

Things were a little crazy for us at the beginning of our relationship, so it was nice to have a little place of our own to escape. Especially from the misunderstanding. The ones who loved us understood. But the rest of the world didn't. And how could they?

"Walk a mile in another man's shoes before you pass judgment." I wouldn't have wanted anyone to have to walk a mile in our shoes.

The drive was beautiful, almost spiritual. I felt closer to God up there in the mountains. Our spot was at a little park, there was a pavilion, and set of swings encircled by tall trees and a little creek. It was pretty far up the canyon, so we hardly ever saw any one else. It was just us. We would hold hands and walk around the park, then end up sitting at one of the picnic tables knee to knee, talking. His eyes were amazing (they still are); they were so honest, and when he looked at me, he REALLY looked at me. As if he was trying to memorize everything about me. We talked about everything, we laughed, and sometimes I wanted to cry because I was so gloriously overwhelmed in a moment that felt like a dream. We'd stay there for several hours, until we absolutely had to head home. The ride back always went by too fast, even though we drove slowly. I never wanted the night to end. I hated saying goodbye and watching him leave. Even though I would see him tomorrow, it just didn't feel right. That's how I knew I had to marry him. Then, I wouldn't have to say "good bye". And that made me happy.

Six months after we got married, I had to go to the doctor for a small procedure. I hate needles, they scare me to death. My anxiety was building and Chad wasn't with me. The doctor told me to relax (ha, yeah right), and I thought..."I need to go to my happy place." I started picturing Hawaii, and my waterfall...but it wasn't working. My anxiety was still climbing and I was afraid the panic was going to set in at any moment. Then I pictured Chad...climbing out of his truck, picking me up, driving up to our spot in the trees. I felt my heart start to beat slower, my grip on the chair loosened, and I got lost in those perfect moments.

I finally found my happy place. :)

Teamwork Makes The Dream Work

This last weekend, we decided it was time to revamp our front yard. It became a Schoonover family project day; after planting the garden at Shane and Stacie's, everyone headed up to our house. There were weeds to be pulled, holes to be filled, rocks to be moved, and sprinklers to be fixed. Everyone got their shovel and went to work. About an hour into it, the storm clouds came in and it started raining. The wind started blowing, and it got cold. No body said a word, just grabbed their jackets and kept on going. We got all the weeds dug up, and it was almost time to start filling up the flower beds with the stinky soil that Dennis delivered to our driveway the night before. The guys were trying to fix the sprinklers, so every now and then they would turn them on and we would get sprayed (I think they didn't warn us on purpose because they thought it was funny to hear us scream and try to run out of the way). Harley liked riding on Chad's lap in the mini loader as he brought the soil over and dumped it, while Lexi relaxed on the porch (every now and then she'd come out to say hi).

Once we got most everything in place, the girls ran to Home Depot to get some shrubs and flowers to plant. We filled up two big carts and made it out of there in less than 2 hours. I couldn't even have imagined doing all this work by myself! Watching our yard transform was like watching an episode of Extreme Home Makeover, with 6 sets of hands everything happened so fast. It was so awesome!

I've never experienced this kind of teamwork in all my life. The whole day, I was covered in dirt, (and probably poo particles), I had cuts and scrapes, and my body ached- but my heart was so full. I was proud and thankful to know these people, to call them my family. I hope they read this and they know how much I love them. I also hope I can be as good to them as they are to me. Nothing is more important to me than family, and I feel so blessed to have such camaraderie between all of us.

The Parable Of Horse Poop

The Parable of Horse Poop

I'm sure you've all heard of the story about the two boys; one was an optimist, the other a pessimist. Well I want to talk about the optimist...when put in a room full of horse manure, he started shoveling with excitement. Researchers were stunned. When they asked him what he was doing, he said "Sir, with all this manure I just know there is a pony in here somewhere and I'm going to find him!"

I believe that attitude can have the snow ball effect. One negative thought leads to another. I woke up the other day and I was still tired. I looked out the window and it was raining and cold outside. Couldn't find the shoes I wanted to wear, my hair was unmaneagable, and someone had to have stolen my eyeliner because I couldn't find it anywhere. I was running late, left for work and forgot my lunch, and what-do-ya-know, everyone driving a car that day in my vacinity was an IDIOT. I pulled into the parking lot..."Did I put my garage door down?" I thought to myself. STUPID BRAIN! Why can't I remember anything? I put it down everyday, but TODAY, I'm sure I didn't. I get out of my car, my purse strap gets stuck on the E-brake, and THAT just annoys me. Stupid car. Stupid purse. I get inside..."This day has GOT to get better...". Oh but it didn't. Everything went wrong. You get the idea.

I think back and wonder if it works the same with POSITIVITY. Surely it does. I am too blessed and priveleged to have such a bad attitude. While I am letting my day get ruined by insignificant, petty little things, some one else is homeless, getting divored, fighting addiction, battling illness, or grieving an immense loss. That slaps you back into reality. Fast. Life is too short to not look for the ponies.

Moab is a Wonderland

We went to Moab this weekend. No buggy, no scamper; just the car, a tent, and us. There wasn't supposed to be a blizzard during our drive down, or freezing temps and 30 mph winds once we got there. So the tent idea was out. The town was packed and the hotels were practically sold out. After calling about a million places, we got one of the last rooms available at the Super 8 at a ridiculous rate. Saturday we went to Arches National Park. The sun came out and as long as the wind wasn't blowing, it was a perfect day for a hike. We hiked to the Double Arch; it was about 5 miles roundtrip and pretty strenuous in some parts. I got shin splints. It took us about an hour and a half to get to the double arch, and then we found a cool spot and had a picnic with Munch Mix and Dr. Pepper (I found a pube in the Munch Mix, but Chad said it was probably just one of his arm hairs. It wasn't. I got it out and we ate it anyway). Later that day we went back into town to get lunch at the Moab Brewery (one of my favorite new places) and find me a "Moab" hoodie. Both successes!

Our friends were out climbing the rocks in their jeeps all day, and as soon as they got back we met up with Calvin and Bre later at the famous Zax restaurant for a pizza buffet. They got engaged earlier out on one of the trails, so we celebrated at dinner with mardi gras beads and screaming. Sunday morning we had brunch at La Hacienda and hit the road for home. Car rides with Chad are always amusing...I must have reached a new comfort level with him because I don't sensor my terrible singing voice anymore, even though bursting into song only happens as a last resort for boredom...after we have talked about every random, absurd thing we can think of. Or if we are exhausted from disputing some meaningless debate, like "thaw vs. un-thaw", "tornadoes vs. hurricanes", and "where babies come from". (Don't even get me started.) I was reading an article in Psychology Today at the beginning of the ride home (Chad tells me to read because I get car-anxiety sometimes)...it was a really good article called Clues to Character, so I was highlighting the things I liked with a red pen.

Chad looks over at me and said, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah..."

"Why are you underlining?" He laughed... "You're never going to read that again."

"I LIKE underlining." I said back. "And I am going to read this again."

So now I'm going to blog about it so I can show him the importance of UNDERLINING.

Clues to Character Article:

(This is some really good stuff, especially if relationships interest you.)

Intelligence.

It is the most stable quality over time, and primarily a product of genetic endowment - although stimulating environments allow it to blossom. More than any other trait, it is the great declarer of possibility, an indicator of the likelihood of doing well in life. Intelligence also allows for a deeper understanding of life, experiences, and other people. It underlies the ability to deal with complexity. The ability to generate humor is a robust sign of intelligence – it reflects language skills and abstract thinking.

Drive.

It is the engine of accomplishment. It allows a person to achieve whatever goals they set in life. And yet, persistence also begets passion. Further, both of them are made possible only by a sense of optimism.

Happiness.

It isn’t something you can pursue directly. It’s a byproduct of other things most notably working toward meaningful goals. There is no happiness without challenge, risk, and growth. It may be a feeling but in large measure it is a reflection of how we think. A tendency to attribute all setbacks to fate can cripple will. Believing everything is under one’s control likewise distorts reality and is a setup for misery.

Goodness.

How you do things is more important than whether you succeed.

Friendship.

What people like in others is kindness and assertiveness- the sense that someone will be available to help in a time of need and has the ability to stand up for oneself. An adult who has few peer relationships may be unkind, unable to relate to others, or too self-involved. Endurance is an important measure of friendship quality. The ability to build a history with someone tells about the value they place on loyalty, and how sustainable they are through the ups and downs of experience. A person who comes from a family where everyone was heard and each child had some say, is likely to be attuned to what others are thinking, while knowing how to assert his own needs.

Intimacy.

Consider this an important source of balance, the ultimate leavening in life, the deepest source of comfort. And because it is the root of psychic security, it is a firm foundation for approaching the new and a wellspring of willingness to engage in exploration of life. Gauge someone’s capacity for intimacy and you will understand something about their ability to trust another human being, reveal vulnerability, make a commitment of any kind, and regulate distress as well. The first relationship is the basis for all others- this is talking about one’s emotional attachment in the origin of the family. This is where one will develop a sense of connection and also a degree of security in later relationships. Sometimes the most essential need in a close relationship is the desire and ability to listen to another particularly during times of distress. It is equally important to communicate that one’s partner is being heard. The better the communication, the more satisfaction people feel. No human enterprise can operate soundly in the absence of trust; the alternative of constant wariness creates an atmosphere of unceasing suspicion.